about
With the release of Wavves’ new album King of the Beach, I’ve been thinking back to the load of SoCal punk I listened to in the late 90s, and the terrible, awful music videos that came with them. This week’s (late) entry was inspired by those tunes and their visual counterparts - I gave myself the task of writing a bratty punk song with sneering, punny lyrics, where each verse could take place on a different, overly-colorful set. Ugh. I think I succeded.
The scene opens in a laundromat - offensive 90s lighting, please (also: girls wearing far too little washing undergarments; other members of the band making cameos in terrible wigs and fake facial hair as the manager, the surly older patron, etc.; ubiquitous fish-eyed lens). The lead singer sees the ex, shakes his head, a washer explodes and we’re all covered in bubbles.
Second verse - at the dentist’s office. Oh no! The ex is the sexy dental assistant (?), and she’s got a huge drill. There should probably be a midget somewhere in this shot. For the chorus, there’s a Benny Hill-like chase around the office. And a poop/boner joke of some sort.
Third verse, a mall - the lead singer is at a department store watching the ex steal lingerie. The bassist plays the fat old security guard and chases, due to a case of mistaken identity, the lead singer around the store. Somehow they end up in the ladies’ changing room for the chorus.
For the middle-8, we are, for some reason, by a pool. There are beautiful women in bikinis and, for some reason, they are attracted to the band, who are acting like 8th graders. At least seven individual poop jokes transpire in this scene.
For the final chorus, all the scenes somehow combine poolside. The mall guard, the irate laundromat owner and the unpaid dentist are all there, and the ex and lead singer are staring each other down on the diving board. Suddenly, ka-pow!, he pushes her into the pool! Now everyone’s in the pool! There are another four poop jokes or so! An older woman is offended, than has the hots for the drummer! Uh-oh! Suddenly it’s a good old fashioned pool party, which ends with a shot of the lead singer drowning the ex in the kiddie pool, laughing hysterically, tears rolling down his face, a broken man.
You guys remember TRL, right?
lyrics
I sh-sh-should have left you crying
I c-c-could’ve been out clean
Inst-st-stead I’m just up drying
Pull the line and reel me in
You’re hot to cold, I’m in between
It’s too, too sweet and now it’s rotten
And all these treats are cheats instead
I had my wisdom, then I lost it
You’re too filthy for me, friend
And this ain’t healthy for my head
I don’t know about you…
You st-st-stole back what you slighted
My guard was lured with tainted scores
I’m sh-sh-sure this seems a riot
If this is what you had in store
You cleaned me out, let me assure - there’s nothing more
I don’t know about you…
Oh, don’t leave me tame.
I don’t know about you,
But I for one am done with all your shit
credits
from
Singles 2010,
released December 31, 2010
Music and Lyrics by Mattroi
license
all rights reserved